Well! Spring is here and the days are getting longer.
I love being out, walking, and capturing sunsets…. there is something about that light at the end of the day that just makes you stop and feel things.

I was recently on a call with my mum while out on one of these walks, and we got talking about how things move when someone flies out of their home country. How life shifts. How people adjust.

And then she mentioned that one of her friends had been telling her about her son. About how he had moved abroad and was struggling. And the way this friend spoke about it…. it was with so much worry. So much sympathy.

Poor thing, she kept saying. He is managing so much on his own.
And I just listened. And then I started thinking.
Let me tell you what exactly he was struggling with because this is where it gets interesting.

He was cooking his own meals, looking for a job, doing his laundry, cleaning his own dishes, figuring it all out quietly. Far from home. Starting over.
Now I want you to hold that image in your mind. And I want you to imagine the exact same situation, same city, same struggles, same quiet courage it takes to start fresh somewhere new.

But this time, it is a woman.

The reaction? Well, she chose to go. She could have stayed. What was the need?
Same life. Completely different story told about it.

We did not change the situation. We only changed who was living it. And somehow, that changed everything.

I have been asked many times why I think or act a certain way, and when I share my perspective, people say… but that is not reality. And I always wonder… whose reality? Defined when? And by whom exactly?

Someone once told me I was a very tough woman. It was meant as a compliment, and I took it as one. But later I sat with it and thought…. would a man doing the exact same things simply be called capable? Would it even be worth mentioning?

Because here is what I have noticed. If a woman is self-reliant, direct, not particularly soft in the way society expected her to be, she is difficult. Too much. Not acting like a woman.

And if a man is gentler, more emotional, a little outside what society decided men should be, he gets a different kind of silence. A different kind of judgment.

Nobody is really winning here.

A society built by us, questioned by us…. and yet the moment someone steps outside the expected script, we are the first ones to say…that is just not how things are.

But I genuinely want to ask…who set these standards? Who decided what things are supposed to look like? And when did we all silently agree to stop questioning it?

Patriarchy, and I want to say this clearly, it does not actually favour anyone in the long run. It puts everyone in a box. It just makes some boxes look more comfortable than others for a while.
And I am not saying every country or every culture thinks the same way… but you will find instances of this bias everywhere. In some form or another, it does shows up.

I do not have a perfect solution wrapped up neatly at the end of this post. I never do, honestly.
What I do have is a small question I want to leave with you.
The next time you react differently to someone’s choices, struggles, or strength based on their gender… just pause. Not with guilt. Just with curiosity.

Ask yourself: where did this thought come from? Does it still make sense to me?
And before I end, I want to be honest about something.

I am the same. I grew up in this same society, absorbed the same conditioning, and yes…I react differently too sometimes, without even planning to. You and me are the same.
But I think that is exactly what makes it worth saying. These are not flaws to be ashamed of. They are things we were taught. And anything we were taught… can be unlearnt.

The days are getting longer. There is more light now.
Maybe it is a good time to look at a few things we have been keeping in the dark.